It’s not always easy to grasp the complexity of our sexual attractions. Much that of what happens is invisible. The following exercise will help identify those specific characteristics and traits in others that excite the deeper psychological and spiritual aspects of our sexuality—those that create the feeling of chemistry.

Here’s an Observational Exercise:

The next time you take a subway or train or when you’re waling anywhere, really, choose a stranger to focus on whom you find physically attractive. Notice their hair, eyes, skin, mouth, body type, height, hands, feet, and posture. If they are speaking, listen to the timbre of their voice, their accent, and style Volume Pills of speech. If you’re close enough, breathe in their smell.

Keeping in mind that there is a difference between physical attractiveness and sexual attraction, what is it about each of these traits that turns you on or off? Which do you feel neutral about? What drew you to that person initially? How close is this person to your “type”? In what ways? Does this person arouse your sexual fantasies?

Let your imagination go. What would you want to happen if you were to have sex with him/her? What role do they play in your fantasy? What role do you play? What is your sexual motivation?